Put simply people who live together must feel as if the space they share is shared. If your home has plenty of space for your collection, but it is the primary aspect of the living space, then your space is not shared.

Finally, any partner who feels that the final say in a matter is based upon who earns more, is not going to have an SO who feels like much of a partner, but more of a sidekick. Either your life is shared or its based on a hierarchy. As important as financial income is, and it's central don't mistake me, it cannot be the final arbiter as to how two people share a mutual life.

So, can you build a gamer den? A library with a central space to read comfortably and to even play a game or three.

Can you make enough space in your life that your SO doesn't feel like a sleepover date?

BTW I am saying these things as one who fails at relationships, fir many reasons, but these are lessons I learned the hard way.

Most people here have significant others which are fictional. ... Oh sure, they might post "pictures" and occasionally recount family anecdotes, but these are just well constructed artificial supports. IN fact there is a correlation between the largest gaming collections and the largest gaps in any real existence outside of gaming...

"...you come to a fork in the path, down one direction lies a huge gaming collection..."

What an interesting thread!

I agree with the honesty part - my wife knows exactly what I spend, what is on my list to get, and when my list "expands".  She is extremely supportive of my collecting and publishing (she is my first line editor too), and although she doesn't play, she understands how important it is to me and my circle of friends.

I once knew a guy that lied about his collection's worth just in case he and his wife divorced - that way, she wouldn't take it.  Lost track of him over the years, but I often wonder how that relationship worked out.

For me, my marriage and collecting works because I include her in decisions and purchases; she's never in the dark with what I'm thinking about buying or writing.

As far as space is concerned, I've limited my collection to one room of the house and a set of bookshelves I've built (8 floor to ceiling sets of shelves).  Once they are full, I will likely purge books I've obtained through lot purchases or KS outside my main collecting areas.  At that point, stuff coming in replaces stuff going out.  I think I'm about a full shelf from completing most of my lists though so I don't see myself really running out of room.  The rest of the house is shared space for us and our kids and will not be filled with any rpg stuff, except for my framed SW OB3.  

~throwi

stratochamp wrote in How to have both a large collection and a significant other?:Wait, you framed an item that is in the shrink?

BOW DOWN TO THE GOD POLYOLEFIN!! screams High Priest Smarmy, invoking the old name.

Well, I don't know the context so I'm not sure if this is mockery or not.    It felt better to put it in a frame than in a box on a shelf.  At least it can be looked at this way.

~throwi

Hi Thom,
Definitely not mocking you. Usually counterproductive in a public setting in any event. It would be very rare for a collector to take the shrink off an OB3 nowadays (although ironically since many of them seem to start warping from the shrink it's one of the items that should be removed in many cases; but not necessarily yours); and full disclosure the one rare item I have ever deshrunk (and my dear wife gives me grief about that even though it happened 21 years before we met).

Back to the topic sentence, I don't think that finances are the key component. I think the expenditure of time away from one's family is. That is the area that needs to be carefully juggled.

Lost a wife (in part) due to this hobby; but in reality we lost that marriage due to her problems with our entire life together.
She hated my friends, my professional situation at that time (I owned my own business for ten years) and my hobbies (not just this one) and has ZERO friends of her own and always was that way.
That was and still is her problem.
She did not even like dealing with her own grandkids, each of whom I played RPGs with often and we also painted minis together on a regular basis....
Her oldest grandson attended the second annual NT RPG Con with me.
She filed for divorce and told me about it a month later once everything was basically done and finalized except the court date and signing...
And it was one of the best things to ever happen to me....

It has been several years since then and now I have a new wife and she thinks I have too much stuff too which she sometimes messes with me about.
I have five industrial sized storage shelves in the garage all of them are filled with boxes and there are an additional three bookshelves in the house also filled with more of my collection.
I have several framed art pieces as well, but have not hung any of them yet....
Almost all of that was collected before I met her and I have slowed my collecting to an almost complete stop.
Once in a while I purchase some few items, but nothing like I was doing some few years ago.

My new wife and I have some mutual friends and she has a lot of socialization in her blood, so she has many old friends all over the world (literally).
She is not a gamer for RPGs but she plays other games often (mostly computer / on-line games similar to SIMS)....
She did attend one RPG Con with me (North Texas RPG Con) and even gamed during that weekend.
The language barrier was a problem for the RPG games (table top sessions).
Her first language is Chinese and though she speaks and understands English quite well; when a group of English speakers are all talking at once she gets easily lost in it all.
So table top RPG games due to that aspect are not much fun for her.
She also met and played some board games with a certain old gamer who plays board games, and had a lot of fun doing so.
He was very nice to her...... (Thank you sir)
I foresee a long and happy marriage, and fell blessed to have found her.

All that stated, I am planning to sell the majority of my collection as soon as I can start getting my stuff together.
We have long term plans that demand ready cash and one of the things I have worth a lot is my collection.
So its going.... not all of it, but most of it.
I plan to keep a few things, perhaps one or two bookcases worth, but that leaves a garage and one inside bookshelf worth of stuff that has to go.
Most who know me, have heard all this for about a year now, but I am serious, just slow.      

All good points...

My woman and I have been together for almost 28 years. She likes to play some board/card/dice games, but not those that take skill or deep thought or anyt type of remembering what's be played and what odds you might have etc etc (I play 3 card poker at the casino, she plays the slots)

I own and run the business that pays for everything. She had about 15 different jobs in the first 8 years we were together (all before I started my business - I have 2 during that same time frame) ... once I started my business I put here to "work" for me. She is the house wife, keeps the house in order, the garden, the clothes, the food... it runs like a top and no complaints. She doesn't really do any company work, but I pay her a paycheck because everything she does is important and it's very important to me that she be here doing it, vs trying to get it all done after working a job elsewhere. She has a list of bills she pays, I cover the rest. She spends whatever she has left over however she wants, I do the same with my left overs. We have separate bank accounts.

We also have a shared savings account we both put $500 a month into for a vacation fund.

All that aside, my collecting or spending on running the convention etc, never comes up (but would if we needed to pay for something and I didn't have a plan on how to cover the expense). So I try to keep it all in check to be sure I can cover unexpected things.... (which means the Special Guest list at the Con might have to drop from 10% to 5% at some point as it's gotten a bit expensive the last couple of years.. but that's another thread)... She has hobbies she does and side projects that cost money that I wouldn't spend, but she's spending her money so I don't care. What I consider a waste of money is to her an important thing, and vice versa.

I think as long as you both have no problem with the other's "space", allowing each other to do things you know are important to them, then it should be good.

You keep your significant other with your collection, obviously.
http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/vil ... 0108060854

An SO is something I have decided not to collect!

Been down that road, miserable experience so will just enjoy my solitary life and massive amounts of collected "stuff" that may or may not be worth what I pay for it, but makes me happy!